mood: depressed

Just a quick write up on how’s things have been going since the last time I wrote here which was two weeks back. I finally managed to pass my driving license after two long years. And yep, just reached home from a night driving cum movie (Interstellar) session with Nabil Scope. Still trying to get use to the road with the driver’s mindset instead of motorcycle.

Loved this song to bits, it’s like the song is written just for me with all the ones that I’ve wronged, and hurt. The first time I listened to this and got all teared up was at that point with Farina and Arifah. Stuck between two and I knew I had to leave one for the other. In the end, I left the both of them and I still regret to this day for hurting the both of them. Then came Veronica, which left (and still have) a huge gap in my whole entire life. I guess Karma works in their own way although I believe it’s all fated to be. 

I’m really trying to move on from all the mistakes that I’ve made, the ones that I loved. But it is very hard when every single things around me reminds me of how much I was getting hurt with all those harsh words that they gave before they leave. 

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Despite all of that, you still came down to my graduation night when none of my friends were even there. They only came down after to celebrate but you were there to watch me see the fruits of those sleepless nights just to attain those gpa, which costs me my relationship (or so I think? up until now I still do not know why she leave me) and to makes things worst Veronica and you have already moved on with your lives so far while I’m still stuck in the same time without moving.

I am really, unable to move on. I keep thinking about how worthless I am, how Veronica destroyed what’s left of my self-esteem, how I just perceive myself. 

I do not know anymore.