mood: in deep sorrow

Ash Like Snow
The sky is dyed red by the ebony darkness,
And the distant stardust swallowed up,
In this transient moment as the snowing ashes fall.

I watched it through the window of grief.
I never dreamed
I stand frozen.
there… I come for you.

My hopes are alone in the desolate night sky,
They soared high until they were crushed.
Each time the world changes shape,
The things I want to protect,
I end up breaking them.

Oh, the sinful darkness tugging at my heartstrings,
Your voice is like anaesthesia,
Coldly, it robs me of my senses.

No matter how we pursue our differences,
It never ends.
Why do I have to fight?

Even if the light is extinguished,
Even if this earth disintegrates,
I won’t ever forget:
That tiny wish,
It will guide us to our ideal place.

there I come for you yeah
Ash Like Snow
is falling down from your sky
Ash Like Snow
Let me hear…
why I have to fight?

My hopes are alone in the desolate night sky,
They soared high until they were crushed.
In exchange for glory that triumphs over darkness,
I have given up many things I sought to protect.
(It’s falling from your sky)
This is too futile.
(Baby I come for you)

Every time the scattered broken pieces cut me,
Deep down in my closed heart,
I choose to grow stronger.
And I came this far.

I’m really falling deep in sorrow now, my eyes is overflowing with tears and it’s all dried up. It’s been such a while since I’ve been like this and it really hurts. My body’s all shivering due to lack of food, while my eyes is in pain due to lack of sleep;
Can someone atleast understand my feelings just for once. I had a long day today and I thought I would rest right after I reach home but suddenly someone text me, I thought it was my band members as I just finished jamming and slacking with them. But I was wrong, it was her; the one who I love the most, the only one who could make me hurt like this, that is Nur Diyana Abdul Hakim.

I was really being foolish as to harbor back those feelings towards her but I just couldn’t control myself, I wanted to hate her and I knew deep inside she’s been hating me for what I did to her. She thought that I didn’t need her last time, but I really do, I’ve always had been praying that one day I would be meeting her coincidentally every single day. She’s just didn’t notice how much it hurts me to just even let go of her, and as days goes by the regrets resulting from my mistake grows until sometime it just consumes me and I’ll break down.

That time, 12th April 2008 was the first time I coincidentally met her back, seeing her happy and smile with her ex-boyfriend Aghil really made me happy yet frustrated, sad until I can’t even sleep till my first day of school. I was even having fever back then but does she even know that? For sure she’d thought it doesn’t really have any affect in me but actually it does alot.

Now I don’t really know what to do as at around midnight of Valentine’s Day, I decided to confess that I still do harbor feelings for her, but it turned out the way I really expected to be, she still hates me about what I did last time and really threw all those harsh words at me.

Then suddenly tonight at exactly 11.13pm, I received a text and it turns out to be her saying this:

I realised, tht my words tt day,was harsh. Better said, they were weapons in th form of words. You stood by me in times ii needed you th most,yes i treasure and appreciate you. But i always kept thinking of th time,you made me wait like a fool. I let go of my egoism,i let go of my pride,but you still insisted, and prefer to stand on your ground. I am still hurt by the thought tht you let sucha love go. I didn’t wanna move on,i couldn’t,but eventually i did move on, whn i realised you don’t need me anymr. I’m sorry fo those harsh words..

I’ve cried like tears for her, does she even know that I’m fucking hurt deep inside!

Urgh, this is just too futile..