mood: depressing

This picture reminds me of my own inner self. How I wish I could potray myself as being so emotionless, so depressing. Atleast I wouldn’t have to trouble alot of people by my own negative feelings. My current band is a total mess-up, out of 5 only 3 of the original line-up shows some motivation. If I knew this would happen, I would’ve constrained my feelings towards “A” so atleast she wouldn’t get too attached to me and the band won’t get affected. I guess it’s fated already so I couldn’t really do anything.

“I” have been missing in action ever since the last jamming session. I think he already noticed about some things and same goes to me too. Cause I can feel that he doesn’t even have any motivation to learn music. People who are keen to learn are so much different don’t you think?

I’ve been thinking whether to let go of her or not since I really can’t do anything much in this relationship with “A”. It’s not that I don’t love her, I do! But I feel that she keeps pushing me down everytime when I try to get back up. Let’s just see how it goes eh?

“D” seems to be doing quite fine judging from her recent post at her blog, I could really see that she doesn’t really need that someone who she could rant on. Still this deep regrets from a time lingers inside me, and honestly I’m still longing for that first september love. But I don’t think it will come back. Since I’m the one to blame always. She just won’t understand that I meant well. I don’t want anymore love, cause it just won’t last. I want friendship, that is friends which I could count on, rant on, cry on and everything else.
A dream like that won’t happen eh?

It’s still the same repeating story.
Just about everything is right?
In situations where you get bad penalties, there’s always the reality of covering them up and faking them
In the era of distorted dilemmas
Even we, who should have made a promise together, pass by each other without noticing

I abandoned the fact
That we destroyed each other and understood each other
Is this a wreck?
Don’t acknowledge me; even when I confront it
I can’t escape the images from when I fell

I’ll find your eyes and the warmth of your hands
Time and time again

The city that won’t change even if it’s gone
Won’t seek our salvation, right?
In the guise of someone honest
Everyone is inside of a crumbly crystal, because I kept lying to myself

Love only hurts me always… or so you whispered
You were scared of believing and cried, didn’t you?
Learn your weaknesses and become strong, by believing without fear
You’ll learn of true love, before it turns into hatred, right?

What I wanted
Isn’t this heartless and contrived world
On the unviewable days without fragments of reason
Loneliness dwelt in my eyes that are tired of seeing

Lies that heal the heart- They exist
But it’s a lie that will steal my heart

Even if I’m to draw closer to love, I’ll only be bitten…
I stopped believing and lived like that
With thoughts that I’m amazed of even if I stand up against despair
It’s fine if I’m clinging onto a brief life

What I wanted
Isn’t this heartless and contrived thing

A love lost in this city-
If I search for its meaning
I’ll become a little better and be able to move on