mood: disheartened.
this sucks, taken from D’s blog. ):

And to Qayyum,I know youre reading this,why why did u text me those sweet msges and to think u even had the thinking of fetching me from school and wanting a hug from me?
Cmon,I thought u were someone sensible,sensible enough to know whats right and whats wrong,why did u hafta hide from me the fact that youre already attached?
I wudnt mind,seriously i wudnt,because what happened between us was a year plus history.
And there`s nothing more to it now.
I want u to treat your girlfr the way u treat me,how u can rant at me and cry on me.Why can`t you do it to your girlfriend.?
Confront her,that maybe she should be by your side.?
I can`t ,i can`t .
I dont want your girlfriend to be thinking that im back to snatch u away from her,when its obvious that i want to bless your relationship with her.
Well u can`t hide the fact from me anymore,even Fadhly saw u with her,what more what more do u want.
And to think that you dialled me up when i was at Starbucks to tell me that your under my void deck reminiscing the past?
Cmon Qayyum,what were u thinking.
Be blessed that u have a girlfriend that cares and love u.
I have no one,and yet i feel blessed,blessed enough to have friends who care.
With that,I want you to know that Im really sorry for coming back into your life,I shouldnt even reply to your chats,seriously.
Im sorry.

I didn’t know some of my words really mean something different to her.
Seriously I didn’t came back because of revenge, secondly it’s just wasn’t the right time, and I really needed a friend to rant on, to cry on, all i need was just a warm hug, a FRIENDLY one. Not more than that. Yes, I didn’t tell her at first cause I wanted to tell her on that day itself that I’m attached. Sooner or later I’ll still have to tell her right? Still, she found out first.
Right now the tables has turned against me again, shes going to be the one who’ll gonna hate me after this. And, yes I know I’m blessed with a faithful, nice and loving girlfriend but she doesn’t know what really is going on. Noone’s ever going to try to understand my situation. Even if I try to speak out my own feelings, forcing myself out. Noone will just understand, ever. It’s not like as if I’m a jerk or something. Okay, I admit I’m not really a great guy, but my main intention of saying something to D cause I feel she really needed someone to talk to. I was just doing my part as a friend. And seeing that she somehow understand me, I too neded a friend who could understand me. But I guess it’s really the time to lose every single thing that I’ve picked up this year and a half after I left her. I’m so sorry to you too A, for not telling you. I feel bad now. It’s like I’m playing in this relationship but there’s just too many things to risk on. Sorry to my friends if i ever let you all down. I feel sucks, useless, despicable. Every single time this kind of things happened and I’m always stuck in between things. Maybe it’s true, I am feeling disillusioned by things that were made up. I don’t care about how things are going now. I really don’t care. I will just go with the flow. Including the band, family, friends & love.
All of my problems came from each of them, it’s hurting me alot. The burden’s too heavy. I can’t be laughing my pain all away each time this happens. I really really need someone to just broke down with, to be comfortable with. But I don’t wanna trouble anyone.
Guess if it’s like this I’ll just have to shout out loud all my bottled feelings inside. I really do.
This post will just be buried away just like all of my other feelings behind this false front, right.. hate?
I’m so sorry once again.